Of struggles again.

It’s always easier to do what is wrong.
But it takes courage, faith and discipline to do what is right.

We will stand firm,
by God’s grace.

Of potential.

Is a word dropped by God on Saturday service.

I don’t know about you, but Saturday service was awesome. From the praise and worship, to the sharing by Hope Brisbane brothers and sisters, to the teaching, to the altar call. I could really feel God’s presence so tangibly. Made me wanna just stand there in awe and in adoration of God.

And i hate to think that it’s because we have visitors with us.

Anyhow. God really spoke to me through the teaching. It was about discipleship. As a sheep, as a shepherd, there is just SO much more that I can do, if only I were to invest more of my time… more of my life.

During altar call, God dropped that word into my heart. Potential. I remember someone once said, that as a Christian grows, he should no longer question whether he can make it to heaven. That is the doubt of a baby. Instead, he should fear whether he has done all that God wants him to do; whether he has realised his utmost potential.

Leave the worries of a child. Live the fulfillment of an adult.

I really repented. How much more would I be able to accomplish, if only I had availed myself. But because of unwillingness and ill-discipline I had let most of it slip away. How much longer will I allow myself to remain as such? I feel the hatred Paul felt against himself.

Hence, am starting a prayer and fasting schedule. To hunger for more of God. To intercede for people around me. To desire a breakthrough in spirit.

“In Your freedom I will live.“

Of attachments II.

Were talking about this topic yesterday night with several others.

This seems to be THE topic of the year. Hottest, most frequently discussed topic ever since YP was formed. It’s understandable. Most of us are self-sufficient working professionals and marriage is naturally the next stage. But it got to a point where I feel so tired of it. Almost every time we talk about it, the points discussed were more or less similar. And i just find it pointless that we’re still harping on the same few points.

There is more to life than finding a partner and getting married. And there’s so much more about singlehood that I appreciate compared to being attached. The freedom, the fellowship, the potential of service!

I want to enjoy my singlehood, and not be overly caught up with the idea of marriage.

Of struggles.

It’s been a really long time.

It’s one of those struggles, when your heart doesn’t agree with your mind. You know what’s right, and what God thinks, but you simply can’t bring yourself to obeying because your heart just screams otherwise.

Yesterday during worship i cried out to God to deliver me from this wretchedness. Sometimes i really wonder if i can ever overcome this struggle. It just HAUNTS me. And I can’t find a better word to describe this.

God’s love and grace never fails to comfort me.

I cannot choose what my heart feels. The sinful carnal nature at work withing me, that i cannot choose.

But i can choose to do what is right, with the motivation stemming from God’s love for me and my love for God. I can choose to take captive of every thought and make it obedient to Christ. I can choose to not dwell in ungodly thoughts. All these, i can choose.

I don’t know how long it will take before I overcome ths area of struggle in my life. It may even take a lifetime. But what i do know is God’s grace IS enough.

Jessie How Jie Xi.

BE RESPONSIBLE!

It’s so easy to slip away. To give up. To take the easy way out. But that’s not what God wants! God wants me to stick through it even when I don’t feel like it. To overcome my weak spot. To be victorious!

matric.camp.

Joined in for matric camp though I’ve officially moved on to YP. Objectives are to observe this year’s freshmen, and to help out in whatever ways I can, so as to lighten the load of the uni people.

One major way I’ve helped out in is probably in doing the closing video. Sherwyn and I spent a lot of time on it, and only had a bare few hours of sleep because of this. Something that amazed me as I reflect back on it right now is how my spirit in serving has changed somuch over the past few years.

One thing I’ve learnt of the university group is a spirit of excellence. During the production process, the video was evaluated several times and there were always changes to be made to the video, even up to the very last minute.

If it had been a few years back, I would’ve complained and argued that the video was good enough. There will always be something to improve on, and there has to be a considerate stop to it, I would’ve argued.

But when I was doing the video, I did not complain at all. I realized how God deserves nothing less than our best, and that even though it may be rushed out and ready only at the very last minute, it was our best effort for God. And that’s the way how it should be.

As I sat there and watch the video play itself out in front of the entire camp, I feel such a strong sense of satisfaction. Laughing to yourself when editing funny videos is one thing. Watching the edited funny videos with your audience and laughing along with them, that’s another thing. And that, my dear, is truly priceless.

I wanna join the multimedia ministry.

Of attachments.

Recently, I’ve got news that several couples got attached in church. Some are close friends, some are people I’ve known for many years, others mere acquaintances.

Hearing these news one after another dawned upon me that I’m not getting any younger. That some of my peers are getting into courtship already. Will I be left dangling on the shelf? Old and alone?

It didn’t exactly help thinking how I’ll be transferring to a group flooded with sisters and hardly any brothers.

Well. I guess that’s when i have to trust God. And coming to terms again that I’m okay with remaining single, if that is God’s will.

P.S: Interested parties please kindly write in to jessehow@hotmail.com
P.P.S: I AM JUST KIDDING.

Of transiting.

For transits in transition.

I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for a long long time. Every time I see youth transfers I feel burdened. Because I was once like them. I want to just gather all of them and talk to them. Advise them. Warn them. Prepare them.

I see how their eyes shift around in uncertainty. I hear about their fears after witnessing how even seemingly strong leaders fall in transition. Am I strong enough? Will I survive? Or will I perish? These are the questions that bog them as they enter this new group.

This post is not going to be a list of differences between the youth and the tertiary ministry. Such a list will be endlessly long yet still insufficient. It’s not just about bracing yourself up for differences.

This post, however, will be a sharing of my personal experience, and what I think, at hindsight, were the principles that helped me pull through. 

I’ve moved on from the youth group to the university group. And now I’m about to move on to the young professional group. I can’t help but feel victorious. I’ve survived it. I’ve proven that it’s possible to stick through it all. It’s still the same God, really.

‘Nuff of introduction. Let’s start.

1. Different culture, same God.
Culture is man-made. Culture develops when someone decided to do things in a certain way, and managed to get the majority to follow suit. It may be top-down, or bottom-up. Culture develops in every well-bonded group.

Some cultures may be biblical, while others are not. Therefore it is crucial to root ourselves in the Bible. When a particular culture makes you uncomfortable, evaluate it against the Bible. Is the culture unbiblical? Or is it because it challenges your personality or spiritual comfort zone?

I remember giving feedback that prayers in the uni group are too excessively long. So long that I often drift off, my feet would start aching and I’d feel uncomfortable. I felt that concise prayer would help in controlling the worship atmosphere.

But praying long and specific prayers ain’t against the Word of God. In fact we should be specific in our prayers. Over the years I think I’ve grown in this aspect of prayer, of disciplining myself to pray longer and more specifically.

Always remain open-minded. Or at least try to. It’s tough, really it is. Many a times I feel like stepping in and say, “Let’s do it MY way.” But I know these are merely cultural differences that I need to learn to adapt to. And God would always know how to use these cultural differences to help me grow.

2. Being firm.
That’s when certain aspects of the culture is not helping you to grow. Will you stand firm for what you believe the Bible says? Or will you sucuumb under the pressure of the majority?

During my first few months in the university group, I continued to jump during praise. I heard about how the new group tend to be more reserved and I was determined not to conform.

However, after a few months, I grew tired of being different. There was hardly any one jumping during praise, and most of them weren’t in my group. It felt awkward and weird. It even seemed childish.

It took me years before realizing what I did was conformity. It was compromising God’s standards in order to fit into human culture. No one’s ever too old to praise God. And it’s not childish. Not at all. It’s never childish to dance before our Daddy in heaven who first gave us His unconditional love.

It is easy to compromise. It is easy to blend into culture and just be normal. But God does not intend for us to be normal. He wants us to be biblical.

3. Think about their strengths.
This may be a cliched advice. But it really did help me during my transition. It’s easy to be critical. And it’s easy to be critical even about something good, just because you’re uncomfortable about it.

I had to force myself to think and come up with good points about the university group. Not because it’s a bad group, but because it was new and I was uncomfortable adjusting.

A few good points I’ve noticed was that the uni group tend to be more loving, and more concerned about every individual. Also they uphold character-building, and is more careful about appointing leaders.

Hence it’s important to think about the new group’s good points. Even if it takes a lot of effort. Even if the point may seem minute.

4. Don’t overgeneralize.
This was a pitfall I fell into back then. I was new to the group, the people, and their way of doing things. When I observed how certain leaders work, I overgeneralized and thought it was how the WHOLE group worked.

What I forgot was that leaders here are imperfect too. They are also struggling in their own ways. I’m not the only one adjusting, but they’re constantly adjusting too, in their leadership function.

I learned to differentiate between group cultures and individual working style. I learned not to “whack the whole boat with just one bamboo,” as the Chinese say. I learned also to give grace to leaders. Accept their flaws, and work in a way that complements them in their strengths and weaknesses.

5. Don’t think it’s over.
Just when I thought, “That’s it!” Just when I returned home after caregroup smiling and thinking that I’ve been well enfolded into the group. Just when I thought I’ve accepted the cultural differences.

That’s when the devil will strike. That’s when yet another divisive thought enters and nullifies all the group bondings you’ve experienced just last week.

Never. Never. NEVER think that it’s over. It’s not to say that we’ll never fully gel into the new group. We may, we might. But transition is not a matter of days. Not weeks, perhaps not even months.

Even after three years, differences in the two groups still hit me. Very occasionally though, thank God. I never really knew how the others were coping with transition so I can’t say for sure on average how long it’ll take to transit.

The point is, don’t try to rush the phrase of transition. Take time to sort out the differences, and try to make sense of them. Never think that it’s over.

6. Don’t expect anyone or anything.
It’s not to say that people in the tertiary group don’t love you. Or that they don’t care. But the logic is, once you start expecting care and concern from others, you expose yourself to unnecessary hurt and disappointments.

We cannot sit around and expect the people around us to shower us with unlimited care and concern just because you’re in a difficult time. They have their own troubles too.

What we can do, though, is to make our needs known to our shepherds and leaders. Be active in seeking help. Afterall, no one is responsible for your spiritual growth, not even your shepherd. At the end of the day, it’s your life. Your spiritual journey. Take hold of it.

7. What is your God-given vision? Stick to it.
This last point is self-explanatory. In times of discomfort, adjustments, distractions, and temptations, always seek God’s vision. Staying focussed on one thing trivialises distractions and temptations along the way.

What is God’s plan for you?

For me, I kept in focus God’s purpose for me as a journalist and strived towards it. I learned God’s purpose for me in helping others grow in God, and discovered more about how I can contribute to the group.

What is God’s purpose for you? If you do not know yours, seek God. Do not be afraid, and do not doubt what God says. As long as they are biblical and do not contradict the Bible, move on in faith.

So here are some principles I’ve held on to that I feel have helped me in my transition to the university group. As I sat there, listening to my new YP leader address the group, I sense the Spirit giving me a new piece of advice: Just because you’ve gone through one transition successfully doesn’t mean that this coming transition will be an easy one. Indeed, every group is different. And every person will handle transitions differently. I hope this post finds you well, and although I may not be able to understand fully what you’re going through, I pray that God will be with you, as I know He will.

Getting out of the boat.

Am reading this Christian literature entitled “If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat”by John Ortberg. It was given me by Eelee some three years ago. But I never got to finish reading it so I decided to start all over again.

This book expounds the passage in the Bible where Peter walked on water, after seeing Jesus do so. Several things I’ve learned so far and I’d love to share them with every one.

1. Jesus had “intended to pass them by.”
The disciples were together in a boat, and they were in the middle of a storm. What was Jesus trying to do, walking around on water at 3 a.m. in the morning?To “pass them by.” Did Jesus want to race them? Let’s see who reaches the shore first! Was Jesus trying to do a David Coperfield?

Parerchomai(“to pass by”) in Greek translation actually refers to defining moments when God made “striking and tenporary appearances in the earthly realm to a select individual or group for the purpose of communicating a message.”

It was similar to when God’s glory passed by before Moses and Elijah. Be it through a burning bush, fire, wind, or walking on water. God was trying to catch their attention. Jesus was trying to reveal His power and glory before the disciples.

2. Was it faith or foolishness?
It’s a fine line between faith and foolishness. And it didn’t help that Peter had a bad reputation. He wanted to build tents for Moses and Elijah. He chopped of a soldier’s ear. He even tried to talk Jesus out of crucifixion.

But in this case, it was faith.

Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”
He said, “Come.”

If it was Peter’s impulsive self acting up, he wouldn’t have asked for permission. He would’ve plunged straight into the water. But Peter knew walking on water is an act that’s beyond his capability. Only Jesus could do it. And so before getting out of the boat, Peter had better make sure this is what he is called to do and that Jesus was the one doing the calling.

adults.camp 2008

Just came back from Adults camp at Shah Alam, Malaysia. It was my FIRST adults camp. Had certain expectations, yet at the same time not quite sure what to expect. Irony.

Adults camp was great. That’s an understatement. Adults camp was AWESOME!! It was refreshing, enlightening, exciting, fellowshippy, and absolutely hilarious.

Fellowship
It’s amazing how we’ve bonded together in just a few days. Going overseas with only two other nus sisters was slightly intimidating, but I’m glad everyone warmed up really fast.

Singing “ma-me-moo,” “i am cow” and “i like the flowers,” saying lame AM jokes, playing “Mmm-tsk-tsk” and sisterizing the brothers was uber funny and kept us brainlessly entertained. I’ve enjoyed their company SO MUCH it was painful to break camp.

Praise and Worship
Another aspect which I’ve enjoyed through and through was the praise and worship sessions. After being reminded by God that I should express myself freely and wholeheartedly during pnw, I was determined to do so during the adults camp.

I was a tad apprehensive because my impression was that adults tend to be more reserved during praise. To my surprise, the adults weren’t reserved at all! We sang songs like “Take It All” and “Lord I Give My Heart to You,” and the adults do JUMP! Extended praise and worship on the last night was so HIGH I felt like I was in youth camp! It was refreshing and liberating to praise God like that.

It was inspiring seeing Pastor Jeff and Pastor Lawrence jump alongside us during praise. You can never be too old to praise God! Twice, Pastor Jeff went upstage and requested for one more praise! Woot.

God’s presence was very tangible. One of the support singers prophesied in tongues. Although there was no corresponding interpretation, it was obvious that the tongue spoken was of a unique language. And listening to her speak in tongues alone brought me to tears. Later I found out that Huili had cried then as well.

Teaching+Workshops
A Care Group Church teachings reminded me of how I should be a support to my care leader. And the workshops was great. Workshop 1 was entitled “Shrewd as a serpent, innocent as a dove.” I was exposed to office politics and how to deal with them, and how to shine for God in the world. Just felt that two hours was just not enough for such broad topics.

Workshop 2 was “Private thoughts closet to a man’s heart (For women only).” I learned many characteristics of men, which though cannot be used as a blanket for all, provided a good sense of why men act in certain ways.

One main thing I learned was the Rubber Band theory. That men tend to alternate between intimacy and autonomy. Meaning, once in a while, they want to be left alone or to men huddle. Leave them alone and soon they’ll come back again. Interesting huh.

Adults camp have been so awesome. The yp-to-be bonded together so well we feel like a caregroup already. This camp has indeed set the standard for future adults camps. I’m missing the camp already. And Pastor Jeff said it well, “We got to pray for patience to wait one year until the next camp!”